14.5.15

Dear Dad……

Five years ago I got that phone call no one wants to get.  Before I travelled home to farewell my dad I wrote this post below……..

Only memories now. Good Bye Dad, Bamahuta.

DSCF4853I  remember so clearly the stories my grandmother used to tell me and my sisters about my father,  and his love for the ocean.  How he would run away from school and follow his Dad to the sea begging him to go fishing with him instead of sitting in a classroom.

He loved to go fishing and he loved taking us with him.

tonight my heart’s heavy because Dad lost his battle to cancer this afternoon.   I’m sad, really sad  but I know in my heart that he’s  passed onto a place where there’s no more pain and no more suffering.  only joy,  peace and happiness…… and maybe fishing to his hearts content!

I love you Dad.

You will always live in my heart,  so although you’re gone in the flesh your memories will live on. 

R.I.P.

DSC04286

joshua’s first (and last) Christmas with Dad.

***********************************************************************************************************f

Five years on……I still miss him.

Dear Dad,

it's today - this day has come around again and the sun has set.  I hate this day and even though it's been 5 years it's not easy.  I don’t ever expect it to get easy.  my heart aches, my eyes well up with tears and my mind jogs through all the memories of you, front and center in my life.

I miss you.

Do you remember our last phone conversation?  I do.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  Your voice over the phone sounded strong and deliberate and I could hear your every word.  I was later told that you had lost your voice a little and no one could hardly hear you very well anymore.  Well I heard you.

You asked me about my kids and where they were. I told you they were at school and Joshua was napping.  You asked about Rohan and told me how proud you were of him .

You told me to take care of my kids and raise them in a way that would make you proud.  I asked you if I could do something for you – get you on plane, get some more treatment, find another doctor and you told me you were tired.  You just wanted to rest. 

I knew what you meant and said no, not yet.   but you begged me to stop.   You continued to talk to me about everyone at home, what they where doing and how they were doing.  You told me that the doctors had told them to go home and get the house ready for you and the nurse that was going to look after you at home.  And you were excited.  You said you couldn’t wait.

I told you I was going to come home and you asked me why?  And then went onto say don’t.  Not to disrupt the kids school and Rohan’s work.  You were still thinking of others.

In your pain and resignation to the news from the doctors that nothing more could be done, that cancer had consumed your body you told me that you were happy with your life, you had done your best.  Even though short you were happy.  And you weren’t angry with anyone or anything.  Not even God.  In fact you told me, Kari God is God and He is in control.

I’m crying tonight – cause I miss you.  I miss you a lot.  I wish you were here to see Renee, how she’s grown up.  And Tanysha who worries about bubu mummy, And Joshua who would love to spend most of his time in the village with all his cousins.

I live my life away from home as you know, but I check in on mum.  She’s doing her best.  She misses you and wishes you were there for Lexy and Loa and herself.  She keeps busy but I think she needs to slow down.  She;s getting old but she won’t admit it.  Lai, Lobz and Ata are all doing well – they hold onto their jobs, provide for their kids and do what we need to do.  Lexy is growing up to be a man and Loa got married.  I miss them.  I wish I was home with them, but like I said, my life is here.

So much to tell you.  I wish you were here.

Well Dad, its been another year and like I said – I still miss you . I’ll always miss you.  But I’m proud to be known as your daughter.  You taught me many things, things that I will make sure that I pass onto my kids. 

I love you.  Rest in Eternal Peace and I know one day we’ll meet again.  ……we will meet again.

I love you – Bamahuta.

1 comment:

Mari said...

I'm sorry. It's been 11 years since my mom passed and I miss her too.
This is such a nice tribute.